Empowered Alienated Moms

In October 2013, court traumatized me by legally stealing my 15 year-old son and giving him to my alienating abuser.

I had been his primary parent until then, raising him on my own. Since I had generally not been receiving child support, I was also his provider. I worked overtime and went to graduate school for a MBA to be a better, more stable provider.

I would have preferred just the mom role and been with him a lot more. But I had to wear both parent hats and then was punished for it by his narc dad with his manipulation and triangulation. Betrayal & triangulation seem to go with alienation.

By early 2013, health insurance costs for my son went up. This was a qualifying adjustment for child support, so a modification was requested.

I began to then experience increasing alienation from my son. It was a term I had to look up to understand. There was growing hostility, contempt, disregard, anger, hatred, accusations and disrespect towards me for no rational reason.

My son and I seemed to have similar personalities and shared affection as he grew up. There had been many joyful moments and laughter. I adored him and have been a devoted mother.

The new sudden hateful child was a shock. He didn’t listen to reason and wouldn’t discuss anything.

He had been transitioned to our home school for high school at our new neighborhood. We moved to our home primarily because it had a large finished basement space he wanted and three of his close friends since kindergarten lived in the neighborhood.

But shortly after moving to our new home, he became belligerent and distant. Later, he began insisting on going to a school near his father an hour away because he determined it was better.

In April of 2013, I happened to be at court for jury duty. I was dismissed and stopped at the self-help office. There I noticed information stating emotional abuse was being recognized and a claim could be made for protection from it.

I therefore filed a motion for assistance from court for the emotional abuse I had been experiencing from my son’s father.

I had seen disrespectful, hateful messages about me between my ex and my son. It was becoming increasingly clear my son was receiving approval from his father by being hateful towards me.

By summer of 2013, the animosity from my son increased along with pressure to go to the school near his father and live with him. His father filed a motion to change schools. In August, a hearing was held to change schools. My son had been getting straight A’s at his new school. The hearing was dismissed on grounds that the custodial parent had the right to have her child attend the home school.

Meanwhile, pressure from my son to live with his father increased. My husband at the time was disgusted by his lack of appreciation of us and living with us. He pressured me to let him go so he would possibly appreciate us in comparison. I was faced with a 6-foot son yelling and getting increasingly hostile and aggressive. I didn’t want my toddler to be in this environment. I needed help and support and could not find it.

After being afraid to be alone with my son at home on his day off from school, I permitted him to go, days after turning 15 and much ugliness towards me. My husband advised not stating for how long he could go. He felt this would somehow rehabilitate him, his attitude and we would have an appreciative teenager after.

I hoped after temporary time with his father, he could move on to regular time with us in peace and go back to his home school in the fall. My mother assured me it would be temporary after he experienced the reality of life with his father and would miss me.

My ex sent his girlfriend’s mother to pick up my teary son. It broke my heart to see him picked up through my window by someone I’ve never met. My ex never permitted meeting his girlfriend or anyone else in his life to maintain secrecy.

My son and his father became unresponsive to all communication efforts from me. My son was not seeing us at all for any parenting time. I was becoming an emotional wreck and not sleeping. To clear any misunderstandings, I responded to some of his accusations via email. This was later used as evidence in court of me speaking badly about the father and alienating. They had also contrived text messages I had never seen.

I had to seek police escort to finally pick up my son from his father’s. Soon after, I received a notice that my ex was seeking custody and a hearing was scheduled for October 23, 2013.

In Denver at that time, we had been experiencing historic rain by end of summer into fall, resulting in flooding and tragedies. Boulder was hit hard, where my attorney resided. I didn’t hear back from him a long time as my hearing approached.

When I finally heard from him, he assured me there wasn’t much for me to be concerned about, that I could just present my case as I had done in August.

Within two days prior to the hearing, my son received a summons from his father’s attorney to testify against me at the custody hearing. The summons had typos and incorrect names.

My attorney stated it was disgusting and terrible that my son’s father summoned my son to testify against his mother. He had never experienced that. My attorney advised that I wasn’t obligated to bring my son and that he had not experienced a judge expecting to speak with the child.

I hoped my son would go to school and this would pass. We could try to heal after with possible support. My son was to be sleeping over at his friend’s house across the street, but late in the night, he told my neighbor he would go to the hearing. As we left, I hoped he would go to school, but he was possibly going to be picked up by his father.

My only hope to achieve from the hearing was for my son to get counseling. It had been prevented by his father due to joint decision-making. We had even been in the lobby of a therapist’s office as my son and his father texted about his whereabouts and that he wasn’t allowed to be there. The therapist wouldn’t see my son without written permission from my son’s father.

This became another power and control tactic from my ex with joint decision-making. Previously, he had used it to not sign for my son’s passport to prevent me from being able to take my son to my home country of India for a visit. I had to resort to taking him to court for a signature.

I wanted my son to get support for his diagnosis of Asperger and the divorce. My son had been diagnosed when he was 13 in 2011. My 2 year-old daughter had been diagnosed with High-Functioning Autism by the reputable organization. They wanted to determine a biological connection and offered to evaluate my son.

My son and his father didn’t accept the diagnosis. In fact, in court, it was used as another derogatory accusation in court to malign me for having him evaluated. My ex stated “my son is not retarded.”

The judge insisted on my son being brought to court to speak with him. My ex’s girlfriend was sent to pick him up. She returned stating no one was home. Then my son appeared with a longtime neighbor from two neighborhoods and the mother of my son’s classmate and friend since kindergarten. She didn’t look at me and identified herself to the judge as my ex’s friend.

After speaking with my son, the judge dismissed his diagnosis. Any comments about the diagnosis from me were shut down and the opposing attorney accused me of insubordination.

My ex made a presentation on the superiority of the school near him compared to my home school. My attorney and I were baffled as this presentation had already been made two months prior and had been dismissed. My attorney assured me the hearing would similarly go nowhere. We didn’t know why they were using the same playbook.

A negative relationship between my son and I was cited, with no acknowledgement of the source or the assistance needed for it.

Custody was given to my ex. The parenting plan was reversed so that I was to get alternating weekends as my ex had, but they were not honored.

I may have been thanked for my service at the hearing. No comment was made about allowing therapy. I passed my son and neighbor in the hall. Neither looked at me. Following the hearing, I watched from my window as my ex and his girlfriend waited in their car near my house as my son appeared from the neighbor’s house to be picked up.

A few weeks later, when I finally saw my son, he acknowledged the strategies he and his father used against me because he stated: “it’s a war, and you’re the enemy.”

I heard that in a later case, when the judge encountered my attorney from my disastrous hearing, he made fun of the outcome of my case to him…like “ha, ha, remember how that went?” Then the judge retired, getting away with the theft of my son, further destroying my relationship with my son by cooperating with the alienator.

I mistakenly sought help from court for emotional abuse as per the court’s offer of assistance. Instead, I was betrayed by the court when my child was taken from me to worsen alienation and the emotional abuse. He was taken from a loving parent and given to one incapable of love.

I’m not aware of all the manipulative stories my son’s father has told my son to deliberately damage my relationship with my son. My ex has targeted me and further abused me with the ultimate weapon, my son and my love for my child. His father knows I’ve been devoted to my son. He has been well aware I have been his primary parent while he pursued a video game addiction that forced us into bankruptcy.

As revenge for me leaving him and the abusive marriage, my ex chose to alienate my son from me. He received willing assistance from the court to continue his abuse towards me and my son. My son was deprived of a mother in the destructive process of alienation by my ex and then the court’s process.

The courts claim to care about the best interests of the children, but in cases of alienation, they routinely fail.

Pria Acharya is an author who writes and coaches about recovery from narcissistic abuse and self-development.
She is the founder of the support group Empowered Alienated Moms on Facebook. Alienated, targeted mothers are invited and welcome to join.