Category: Uncategorized

Knowing the Alienators

Most of the stories of alienated mothers are strikingly similar. The alienators can seem very similar, as if all of us alienated mothers were married to the same alienator. Pathological traits can look very similar and predictable.

Alienation is the vengeful outcome of disordered abusers and is a continuation of abuse that was already occurring in other ways and other levels – physical, mental, emotional, psychological, sexual and spiritual.

Alienation isn’t an accidental occurrence because a parent occasionally stated angry words about the other parent. It is deliberate, systematic, methodical programming using gaslighting to manipulate and brainwash, such as with a cult.

There is not much that can be done with the disordered as they are not typically looking to change what they are fine with and works for them to get what they want.

Despite our similar stories, we mothers are unique with various differences, as are our children. Some seem to be more susceptible to alienation than others.

Alienators have a combination of Cluster B disorders. Only the targeted parents will know the true combination from experience since alienators will not be tested. Out of the Fog lists and describes the Cluster B disorders.

But we can be educated for self-protection and to protect our children. Perhaps as awareness and understanding expands on pathology and the outcome of alienation, mental health and regulations in the legal system can also evolve to protect victims of alienators.

I AM THE ALIENATOR

I am an alienator. You know me well. You lived with me once and you witnessed my behavior patterns but you did not spend time studying and internalizing them. I know your behavior patterns better than you know them yourself. I know how to measure you, test you and control you. I know what your hooks are and I know that the depth of the love for your children is a weakness I can exploit. I am an emotional terrorist. I will terrify you into submission. You will do as I tell you to do, and if you do not, I will take your children away.

I am an alienator, you didn’t notice that when we lived together, but I began my work long before we went our separate ways. I created fissures and fractures within our family and I managed and manipulated reality, though for a long time you did not notice that.

I am an alienator, at times in the past you felt a chill wind blow through you when my moods changed as I raged and then sweet-talked you to smooth the ripples in your growing awareness. My mind is distorted but the projection of shadows causes you to believe it is yours which has failed you. Eventually you came to believe that it was you and not I who was crazy. You shivered as I turned down the gas light.

When you appeal to the outside world for assistance, I will turn my most charming face to the sun and open my arms wide and beseech them to believe that I only want the best for my children. I will widen my eyes and up turn my palms and say ‘what can I do when they don’t want to see you’ and suck into my airspace all those who attempt to bring change to the lives of the weapons I know I can use.

My children are assets, collateral, extensions of plans that I make to wreak my revenge upon people who challenge my views or attempt to remove the control that I have in my life.

My children are satellites orbiting sunshine coming only from me – you could never compete with the warmth that I wind around each of their hearts so that only my love is enough; making yours surplus, not needed, discarded like clothes that you bought and I won’t let them wear.

I am all that they need.

You are not.

When our love ended my rage recruited our children to a campaign of revenge that joins us together against you.

In my mind your betrayal awakened the traumas of people long dead and ignited the fuse that led to the bomb that blew up our lives. Now, the souls of our children are hostage to wrongs which come howling from hell and you are helpless to hold back the tide which will sweep you and they to the death that is living with losing your children while they are still breathing. Your loss, not mine, which you and not I will have to survive.

Sometimes you mirror me, two perfect projections that weave webs of destruction that sever our children in two, one side light, one side dark, you there in the shadows.

But mostly it is because I cannot see my behaviors, I am blind to the sight of myself in the mirror. The only reflection I need is the love of my children to feed me and give me a sense of my self which I lost even before I was born.

I am the alienator, annihilator, terminator. My aim is to end, by fair means or foul, your place in the hearts and the lives of your children.

I am easily spotted by those who know me but invisible to those who do not. You will spend your time, your energy and money telling them I am behind this while I smile and continue to shred the trust our children once held in you. I am an alienator even when I do not know it and the failure to see the shadows I cast in the projections I throw onto you, is the fault of a system so blinded by bias it is frozen like the minds of our children, the children being harmed right under the noses of those who should know how to help them but sadly, do not.

In the plain sight of you and of them, the lives of the children you love are stolen, erased and extinguished.

And your anguish and pain are the gifts that I treasure.

And your suffering compensates for the things I perceive you to have done.

And while chaos reigns and the system colludes with my delusions, the power I seek remains mine.

Along with the children.

Whose eyes are wide open but able to see nothing at all.

~by Karen Woodall

I’m Trash

I’m trash, as my 20 year-old son recently told me. I’m also awful as he told me. As I reflect on my awful trashiness, I recall this:

  • Washing his dirty underwear, and being the only parent to do so.
  • Doing all the dirty, messy, complicated, demanding, responsible aspects of raising a child, as this was beneath his non-trashy, wonderful father.
  • Working overtime since I didn’t receive child support from his father.
  • Sometimes I took my son to work with me when his father didn’t show up for his limited parenting time. His father always had the next level of a video game to accomplish, to maintain his awesomeness. When he did utilize his parenting time, he usually had other people be with him. My son often stated his sadness and anger over not seeing him on his time and not wanting to go again.
  • Taking my son to all his medical appointments, including his regular orthodontist appointments half an hour away, often with a screaming, protesting toddler. Such mundane, frustrating, boring parenting work was beneath his father, including paying for his half of the bills. Besides, the word sacrifice was not a word his father cared to know, embrace, or have in his vocabulary. That was for the little people, like me.
  • I got an MBA, an education that had nothing to do with my interests or passions, in order to provide better for my son. I chose a direction of my life out of lack from his father, to step into the required roles of both, mother and father. Meanwhile, his father explored the glamorous, rewarding world of hedonism.
  • I looked for any second I could to work overtime and finish my MBA from home to be there for my son, often studying before he woke up and after he went to bed. I accomplished this in super-human, but of course, still trashy ways.
  • Having to leave work 45 minutes away to bring my son lunch or pick him up from school when he was sick, since his amazing, important father, who lived 5 minutes away couldn’t be bothered.
  • Yet it is his father who has “been there” for my son, as my son has stated, and his father is now the one undoing the damage and trauma from awful trashy me, as he has elaborated.
  • Considering the reality behind the label of “trash” I was given, I can consider new meaning for the word and proudly say “I’m awful trash,” just like Wonder Woman.