Knowing the Alienators

Most of the stories of alienated mothers are strikingly similar. The alienators can seem very similar, as if all of us alienated mothers were married to the same alienator. Pathological traits can look very similar and predictable.

Alienation is the vengeful outcome of disordered abusers and is a continuation of abuse that was already occurring in other ways and other levels – physical, mental, emotional, psychological, sexual and spiritual.

Alienation isn’t an accidental occurrence because a parent occasionally stated angry words about the other parent. It is deliberate, systematic, methodical programming using gaslighting to manipulate and brainwash, such as with a cult.

There is not much that can be done with the disordered as they are not typically looking to change what they are fine with and works for them to get what they want.

Despite our similar stories, we mothers are unique with various differences, as are our children. Some seem to be more susceptible to alienation than others.

Alienators have a combination of Cluster B disorders. Only the targeted parents will know the true combination from experience since alienators will not be tested. Out of the Fog lists and describes the Cluster B disorders.

But we can be educated for self-protection and to protect our children. Perhaps as awareness and understanding expands on pathology and the outcome of alienation, mental health and regulations in the legal system can also evolve to protect victims of alienators.

Self-Care With Alienation

Self-care within the world of alienation is unnatural.  Nothing about alienation is natural.

Within this unnatural world, to thrive, alienated parents may need to make tough choices for self-care. We can not repeatedly do that which tortures us and become unavailable to the rest of our lives.

We must begin with radical acceptance of the current situation. This does not mean we give up on our kids or ourselves. Rather, it is about not being in denial of the current situation so that we can determine next steps. 

We can bravely be aware of our harsh reality, so we may choose better self-care. We can possibly then reach out to our alienated children with our healthiest selves. We are more able to respond to the situation thoughtfully with self-compassion versus reactively with anger or desperation, which can backfire. 

Self-care may include blocking alienators online, not looking at hurtful posts, such as from step mothers trying to steal our places. The harsh reality is the alienators want us to see their alienating efforts to further their abuse and hurt us. Why facilitate this and help them hurt us?

Beyond blocking out and distancing ourselves from toxicity, we can try to be mindful of our bodies and minds to adequately care for them. Stay attuned to your state of mind, feelings and your needs at various levels. By being mindful of your needs, you can address and prioritize your needs better.

Your needs may include better sleep and diet. What habits can you begin now to support your needs? Taking small steps, such as better choices with diet and a sleep routine, can go a long way towards helping your mood and wanting to adapt other self-care habits.

You deserve to become your best self going into the new year.